On Jealousy.

  I wrote on jealousy on my last blog but it was during a jealous rage so I thought I would write on it while I was calm. I've never had much. Honestly I'm pretty poor compared to a lot of people around me including my close friends and family. It causes a bit of a disconnect when I'm trying to tell some people about my problems. I only have two friends that can actually understand me on some level. Because I don't have much there are a lot of things that I want but simply can not have. The nicest thing I own is an iPod touch that is out of date and currently broken. I never get jealous at a person because its not their fault but I am jealous of their opportunity and I often wrestle with thoughts like "Why wasn't I born into money?" or ever "Why wasn't I born with abilities or good looks?"  

  

  My jealousy has two parts: 

1.     The first part is how I get really obsessive about something I want. I'll think about it all day long and it will just consume all of my thoughts.  Its quite annoying. I can't take my mind off of it as hard as I try.
2.    I get fits of jealous rage. I don't express it to the world but I'm still extremely upset. I see red and I just want to scream profanity so loud that I lose my voice. I hate those moments because they just have to run their course before I can calm down. 

I just wanted to write on this again. If you want me to write on something just leave me a comment and I will catch you guys later.

ily :)

-Rickki